Gratitdue Project #6 - Having hot water and a shower

I am grateful for having a shower and having hot water. No matter how stressful my day is, how rough of a time I am having, how hard I am trying to stay sane, I can always count on a hot shower to relax all the tensed muscles in my body, my aching back, the knots in my mind and to relieve all the anxieties that I have. Sometimes, if I have a busy day, that's the only ME time that I have and for that, I treasure my bath time even more. I like to let my mind run blank, and let all the external sensors of my body run free (sometimes we are so absorbed in whatever we are doing in our daily life that we ignore how our body is really feeling). I like to feel every stream of hot water that runs down my spine. I like to feel the rebound of every single cell in my body from the stress that I have imposed on myself that day. Five to ten minutes is all it takes to recover the inner peace in me. Plus I got to be all nice-smelling afterwards =). Having hot water is such a luxury in so many parts of the world but yet it's so basic in the States that sometimes we take it for granted. Well, enough self-reflection for today, now I am ready for a hot shower after getting my baby to bed!

Originally published on Bubblews: http://www.bubblews.com/news/667088-gratitdue-project-5-having-hot-water-and-a-shower

(photo credit: image from google image search - labeled for commercial reuse)

Christians, how NOT to preach!

I have a lot of Christian friends (and non-Christian friends as well) and I have been wanting to write about this but reluctant because I am not sure if what I write would be offensive to people. But I decided I would give it a try. So here it goes:

Christians, how NOT to preach:

1. Do NOT force your faith onto someone when he/she is not ready.
I remember about three years ago, I attended a Sunday service at a church and the pastor said that "evangelism is a process, not a presentation" (listen to this sermon here). I remember I nodded my head at that line, and I started actually listening to his sermon (instead of falling asleep you know). I know that as a Christian, you are supposed to go out and share your faith and the Gospel. But if you go to a non-believer and tell he/she that "Jesus died for you for your sins and He loves you and He is awesome ... blah blah blah .... now that you know it, are you prepared to say the prayer of Salvation?". Now if your listener looks at you (and this is very likely), and says "no, thank you", please do not push him/her to say that prayer of Salvation because if anything, you are just infuriating that person if you keep doing so. It's like a salesman coming to your house to sell you a product that you don't want to buy at that moment and if that salesman keeps pushing the product into your hands, how would you feel? Similarly, if you bring a friend to church, do not force your friend to take communion.

2. Do NOT say the following to a non-believer when you preach: "You are a sinner!" or "You have never heard of Jesus? Oh, you are so deprived!"
Okay, we all know that we are no saints, of course we all have done something wrong in our lives but you don't need to yell "You are a sinner!" in someone's face, especially when you are preaching. And oh yeah "I am so deprived"? That instantly makes the other person think that you feel like you are above him/her, that you are more noble than he/she is.

3. Do NOT leave a bad tip, or worse, just a Gospel tract, when you go out to eat after Sunday service.
It's not uncommon to hear people say that Christians are the worst tippers. Some of the things that I kept hearing from Christians is that if they are giving God 10%, why should they give servers 15-20%?? In fact, a St. Louis pastor Alois Bell, infamously put a big fat zero on an automatic 18% tip receipt and left a note saying "I give God 10%, why do you get 18?". THANK YOU, pastor Alois Bell, you have just flushed Christ's reputation down the drain. There are so many verses in the Bible about generosity, and generosity that can be only be seen inside the church (tithing) is not real generosity. Now if you tip well, feel free to include that Gospel tract.

4. NOT practicing what you preach
Now we are just human. We make mistakes. We have our good days and our bad days. But everyone knows someone who is just the opposite of what he/she is preaching. What happened to "the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness" and if you are the representation of that fruit, think hard before you act.

5. Do NOT quote Bible verses constantly when you talk
Now if you are discussing certain topics related to the Christianity faith with other Christians. Go ahead and speak in this common language shared among your group. For our daily conversations, you can quote it once in a while. However, putting a Bible verse in every single thing that you talk about is very annoying, especially when you also give details down to the the book and the chapter and the exact verse. I know you have a very good memory, you are knowledgeable and you know your Bible well. But so what? And if there are non-believers and people who are not Christians when you are quoting your Bible verses, that just makes everyone very uncomfortable.

Originally published on Bubblews: http://www.bubblews.com/news/769178-christians-how-not-to-preach

(Image Credit: Google search - labeled to be used or shared, even commercially)

Has your love language changed lately?

If you have read "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts" by Gary Chapman, you know what I am talking about. The basic idea is that people perceive and express love differently and in order for someone to feel loved, we have to express our love to that person not using our own love language but his/her love language. Mostly people have one primary love language and some may have a secondary love language.

There are five love languages according to him:

1. Words of Affirmation (uses words to praise and affirm other people)
2. Acts of Service (for these people, actions speak louder than words)
3. Receiving Gifts (for some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift)
4. Quality Time (this language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention)
5. Physical Touch (to this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch)

I used to think that my primary love language is physical touch because we don't demonstrate love by hugging, kissing, touching much in my own family and I feel like I always crave physical touch. I used to think that words are not necessary at times, and the appropriate touch at the right time would mean the most to me. When I am really sad, having a friend to sit with, a friend who would give me a hug or give me a pat on my shoulders means much more than any words of consolation to me.

Today, I re-did the online quiz for love language again here, my score's breakdown is like this:
7 Words of Affirmation
6 Quality Time
0 Receiving Gifts
11 Acts of Service
6 Physical Touch

So apparently my primary love language is Acts of Service now. No wonder I feel great when my husband helps me clean up the house and helps me with my baby so that I can have some ME time. I think it must be a mother thing. As for my husband, he told me that his love language was "Acts of Service" when we were doing premarital counseling three and a half years ago. But lately he is telling me that he is adding physical touch, words of affirmation and receiving gifts to his love languages (despite me insisting that each person can only have one primary love language) LOL.

Has your love language changed over time?

Source: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Originally posted on Bubblews:
http://www.bubblews.com/news/661133-has-your-love-language-changed-lately

(Image Credit: Amazon)

Gratitude Project #5 - Opportunity to be the mirror of my child

I am sure all of you parents know that kids are fast learners and the best imitators. They have superior five senses and they really take in everything that you do, down to the smallest details. It's fascinating but it's scary at times. The other day, I caught my toddler putting a rubber band in her mouth, across her lower teeth, each little hand of hers holding one end of the rubber band, moving it left and right, left and right. It wasn't long before I realized she was trying to floss her teeth, just like her daddy did earlier, with the rubber band. Another time, I caught her pouring milk from her Sippy cup onto her hands and rubbing it all over her body. Yup, her mommy was putting lotion on herself just before that. Now God helps me if I accidentally forget to screw the lid of her butt paste all the way in.

My toddler is generally a happy kid, but she is also super-active and impatient, and she just can't seem to grasp the concept of waiting. Combined with her slightly delayed language development, she gets frustrated easily, and sometimes she would even hits me (which will be followed by a time-out) and she throws tantrums when she does not get what she wants. One time I felt so discouraged and frustrated, and I said to my husband "you know, I am just not a good mom after all. I really have no clues when it comes to parenting. How come my kid has such bad temper (and these other kids that I saw have such good manners all the time)?". Then a frightening realization dawned on me. Children are mirrors of their parents. I have been stressed out lately and haven't had the best temper really. I tried my best not to, but I got impatient and yelled at my toddler more than I would like to, especially towards the end of the day when I was exhausted and she was exhausted. So she must be picking this bad temper thing up from me also. Now whenever I get frustrated with her, I would remind myself to calm down, and even though I am boiling inside, sometimes (I still can't manage to not get mad and raise my voice sometimes) I would intentionally lower my voice and just tell her that her behavior is not good and gives her a brief time-out (a minute or two only because she just won't be still). For some reason, she would actually listen instead of throwing more tantrums sometimes (not all the time but that's an improvement), so I guess I am moving in the right direction.

So parents, examine yourself and examine your own action. Being a mom definitely forces me to face my own weakness, and prompts me to really act on it, for my own good and for the good of my toddler. For that, I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be the mirror of my child and I hope I will put it to good use. Now next time when I cannot control my own temper, I would have to dig up this post and read this aloud to myself LOL.

Originally published on Bubblews:
http://www.bubblews.com/news/798266-gratitude-project-14-opportunity-to-be-the-mirror-of-my-child

I think I am a little ADD ...

I did not hear or know of anyone who had ADD/ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) when I was in elementary/middle school (so about 20 years ago). Now seems like every 4-5 person I talk to have some form of ADD/ADHD. I am not sure if kids were under-diagnosed in the old days or we are actually over-diagnosing these days but I feel like I have some mild forms of ADD these days too and I seriously think it has to do with technology.

Here are my ADD symptoms:

1. We have so many forms of communication these days. When I am at work, not only do I have to tend to hundreds of emails everyday, I also have to coordinate work with my co-workers or answer other's questions over the phone and the office communicator (some people just don't have the patience to wait for you to answer your emails and if you don't answer their emails within 5 minutes from the time when they are sent, these people would be upset). This, coupled with me working on multiple projects and having to report to multiple bosses (for different projects), one should not be surprised that I can only manage to stay sane with the help of coffee. Unfortunately, while coffee helps me focus, it also gives me anxiety.

2. Once upon a time, we don't have tabs in our browsers. Now every browser supports multi-tab, you know, for multi-tasking, so that I can read posts on different blogs, write a post for my blog, check my bank account balance, check my Facebook, check my Google mail, watch a YouTube video, pay my internet bill, all at the same time. Well, 15 minutes later, my post is only half-done, I forget to pay my internet bill, and I forget if I have enough money to pay my bill even though I have checked my bank account balance already. So much for multi-tasking! For me, multi-tasking just means that I am trying to do everything, but nothing is really getting done HA!

3. I fear public-speaking, because I cannot process my thoughts and turn them into words in time. It's like when I am talking about idea A, in my mind, I am already thinking about idea B, C and D. And I want to talk about idea D before I can finish talking about idea A. Sigh, why can't everyone's brain be installed with Bluetooth so that I can just transmit my brainwaves to them without words?

4. I have household chores ADD. Take today for example, I started loading my washer with dirty laundry, and remembering that I had a few dirty towels that I was supposed to wash in the last load, I quickly went into the bathroom to grab them. While I was in the bathroom, I was distracted (and disgusted) by all the hair on the floor (why am I losing so much hair?), so I grabbed my vacuum and started cleaning my bathroom. Then while I was on the way to return my vacuum back to where it belonged, I passed by the kitchen and saw dirty dishes in the sink so I started attacking them. Then I glanced over to the oven, and oh, cookies would be a great idea, I thought to myself. So I started baking my cookies and next minute I was chasing my baby, shoo-ing her out of the kitchen, only to return to my burnt cookies 30 minutes later because I have forgotten that I was actually baking. Oh yeah, then I remembered that I was actually trying to do laundry in the first place!!! Talking about ADD!

Modified from my original post on Bubblews:
http://www.bubblews.com/news/813837-sorry-i-am-a-little-add

(Image credit: morguefile)